The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
