So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
