I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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