i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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