i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
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