I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
