I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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