Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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