Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
