theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
