Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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