If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
