i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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