Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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