yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
