I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize