i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize