We named our party play list daddy issues
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
