good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
