If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
