My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
