My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize