Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
