I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
