# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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