Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
