I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
