I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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