Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Even my vagina gasped.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
