all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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