Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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