Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
