Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
