I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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