this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just found puke in my bra..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
