Yo dont text me then not text me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
