He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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