I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
is wine microwaveable?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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