Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
