I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
