I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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