k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
