He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize