did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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