And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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