I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
