youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
