so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
