hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
