I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
