Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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