I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize