The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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