he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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