Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
