So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
