I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
