I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
