His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
