I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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