Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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