you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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