Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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