Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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