Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
