Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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