If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
pray to the hookup gods
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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