if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize