I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
