Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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