and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
