you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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