I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
