Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!

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(314): View more from Missouri

so how does one go about finding a summer fling?

(214): View more from Texas

take advantage of an intern

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold

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(770): View more from Georgia

I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.

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(847): View more from Illinois

just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet

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(917): View more from New York City

My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche

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(864): View more from South Carolina

he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home

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