i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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